1 00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:06,380 And now that the graham cracker end zone has set, we place the meringue goalpost 2 00:00:06,380 --> 00:00:07,680 just so. 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,660 I don't see why dad needs a football birthday cake every single year. 4 00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:16,540 Because your dad loves football, and he loves his little football cake. 5 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,760 Yes, but he's in his 40s. He's not six. 6 00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:23,380 Yeah, yeah, what are you gonna put in the goodie bags? 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:24,840 Fiber supplements? 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,280 Anyway, just wait till you see what I got him for a gift. 9 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,560 I had a caricaturist do a drawing of him golfing, and he's missing a putt. 10 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:42,040 And the caption says, I can straighten teeth, so why can't I straighten my 11 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,040 putts? 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,580 Suddenly the cake looks cool. 13 00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:52,400 Trust me, I know your father. He'll love it. 14 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,400 I got my gift for Dad. 15 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,340 These are my two hands. 16 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,540 I made this in school today. 17 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:03,360 Hope you like it too. 18 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:06,240 What the hell is this? 19 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:08,500 It's haiku. 20 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:13,780 A Japanese poetic form with... I might as well be telling the fridge. 21 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,020 Didn't you give this to Dad when you were in, like, kindergarten? 22 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,280 Yeah, but it was in the closet collecting dust. 23 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,540 So I'm gonna give it to him again and watch him squirm. 24 00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:29,290 You can't take these things so seriously. 25 00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:32,390 Sometimes it's hard to find a place for all your gifts. 26 00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:36,490 And just for the record, there's no dust in our closet. 27 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:42,650 Mom, your gingerbread super fans aren't done yet, and can I move out before my 28 00:01:42,650 --> 00:01:43,650 next birthday? 29 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:45,870 Oh, darn! 30 00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:49,050 I'm not going to be able to make it to the mall on time to pick up your dad's 31 00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:51,110 gift and still dye their little rainbow head wigs. 32 00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:55,370 Isn't Aunt Faith taking that learning annex class today? 33 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:56,900 She can pick it up. 34 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,240 Oh, well, you know, I hate to disturb her when she's trying to better herself. 35 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,040 Oh. 36 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,680 White Hope, I'm in the middle of a class. 37 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,900 I don't want to fall behind the other students. 38 00:02:24,839 --> 00:02:26,540 Fine, I'll pick it up on my way home. 39 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:33,100 Hey, you guys, I feel like I'm just not getting the hang of this. 40 00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:36,300 Could someone throw $20 at me and promise me a better life? 41 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,080 Wow, Hayley. 42 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:50,800 Super birthday present. You know, I... 43 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:56,810 I thought I knew a little bit about the Rwandan genocide, but now... I'll be an 44 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:57,810 expert. 45 00:02:58,670 --> 00:03:00,250 Boy, they didn't skimp on the photos. 46 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,890 I also signed you up for the Global Atrocities newsletter. 47 00:03:04,470 --> 00:03:05,970 Oh. Happy birthday, Daddy. 48 00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:10,330 Boy, you know, it is so unbelievable. 49 00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:15,110 Don Cheadle did a movie about this, and I did a movie with a guy who did a movie 50 00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:17,590 with Don Cheadle. I wonder if I'm mentioned in here. 51 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,130 Didn't you meet Mel Gibson once? 52 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:24,310 After this, let's check the Bible. 53 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:28,530 Justin, you go next. 54 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:31,670 Here you go, Dad. I hope you don't have one. 55 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:33,630 Thank you. 56 00:03:36,310 --> 00:03:37,550 Hey, this looks familiar. 57 00:03:41,210 --> 00:03:44,770 Oh, I've been looking all over for this. 58 00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:48,750 You know, I wanted to put it up over the bed, but your mom put the kibosh on it. 59 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:51,770 Hope? This year, it's going up. 60 00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:55,110 Looks like he stuck his hands in his diaper and went to town. 61 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:57,650 Okay, Charlie. 62 00:03:58,210 --> 00:04:02,710 Buckle your birthday belt and prepare for present liftoff. No, no. 63 00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:04,330 Present gift-off. 64 00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:07,250 Okay, just open it. 65 00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:11,810 Huh. 66 00:04:13,510 --> 00:04:14,530 Isn't this something? 67 00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:17,410 Faith? 68 00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,390 Can I see you in the kitchen? 69 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,020 Babe, you can see me anytime you want. That's the beauty of me living here. 70 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,000 Kitchen! 71 00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:28,480 So what did you get for Dad? 72 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:31,400 I went in with Justin on the diaper painting. 73 00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,119 What the? 74 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:38,760 How could you? That's not... Who? You? No. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I know what you're 75 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,760 trying to say. 76 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,960 And you're welcome. 77 00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:45,270 That's the caricature I told you to pick up for Charlie. 78 00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:48,890 Oh, I went to the mall to get it, but I got sidetracked. This woman asked me to 79 00:04:48,890 --> 00:04:52,770 test out a new product. Let me ask you, which underarm isn't working? 80 00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:58,090 So what? You just picked up a stupid shirt instead? 81 00:04:58,970 --> 00:05:02,390 That's not a stupid shirt. That's a very nice shirt, and it wasn't cheap. 82 00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:06,350 But you'll know when you get the bill. Oh, P.S., thanks so much for the purse. 83 00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:11,010 But that is not what I picked out for him. I sat with the caricatures for 84 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:14,440 three hours. to make sure he nailed Charlie's kooky charisma. 85 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,960 And you know what? The oversized golf shoes? 86 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,560 My idea. 87 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,280 Charlie, listen, about the shirt. I love it. 88 00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,280 I look like a stud in this thing. 89 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,100 Really, it's the best present you've ever given me. 90 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,080 Who is the sexiest member of the Ohio Valley State Board of Certified 91 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,080 Orthodontists? 92 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:37,380 This guy. 93 00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:46,090 Let's get to that birthday, Levin. 94 00:05:46,610 --> 00:05:48,130 Gotta drive carpool in the morning. 95 00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:55,030 You're, uh, still wearing that shirt? 96 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,850 Yes, I am, because I look so good in it. 97 00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,770 And I think you deserve a little treat. 98 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,530 Oh, that would totally do me in this thing. 99 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:09,730 But, uh, you're not coming to bed in it. 100 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,210 Oh, the wrinkle-free tag begs to differ. 101 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:17,380 No, no, no, seriously. Leslie, honey, take it off. Oh, the jazz man loves it. 102 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,700 And you completely scored. 103 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:24,440 You have come light years from that surfing sanitai you gave me. 104 00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:26,580 So what do you say? 105 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:28,860 You've hated all my other gifts? 106 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:33,000 No, no, no, of course not. But this is different. You know, it's, I don't know, 107 00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,020 less predictable. 108 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,520 Predictable? 109 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,720 Well, not that, no. 110 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,000 What's a nicer word for predictable? 111 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,320 There isn't one. 112 00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:46,940 Besides, I don't see how Santa on a surfboard is predictable. 113 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,960 I mean, you expect him to be on a sleigh, not wearing Bermuda shorts and 114 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:51,960 ripping a half pipe. 115 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:58,180 What are you getting so mad about? You gave me a great gift. I said I loved it. 116 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,540 You should be ripping this shirt off with your teeth by now, which, as an 117 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:03,700 orthodontist, I don't advise. 118 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,199 Don't worry. 119 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,780 I won't be touching any part of that shirt with any part of me. 120 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,060 That would be too predictable. 121 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,800 Oh, I know what this is. You're mad because I sold you out over Justin's 122 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,900 handprints. But come on. 123 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,140 I mean, he thought his preschool Mother's Day card was a dog. Compared to 124 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,580 this thing, it's a freaking Picasso. 125 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:34,080 So... Where were we? 126 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,680 Sorry. Not in the mood. 127 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,720 It's my birthday. 128 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,730 Not anymore. 129 00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:45,290 It's 1201. 130 00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:46,870 Tough break, old man. 131 00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:49,670 Hey, where you going? 132 00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:53,830 I thought your birthday was one where I don't get any. 133 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:01,050 Hey. 134 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,650 Could you be a doll and pass me the OJ? 135 00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:09,310 Uh, hello? 136 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:11,810 That's milk. I asked for juice. 137 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,820 Are you going through the change? 138 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:18,560 What? You asked me for something, and I gave you something completely different. 139 00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:20,860 Isn't that how we roll around here? 140 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:29,580 Mom, I don't think you can wipe away your sister issues with a tubby sponge. 141 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,120 Oh, you'll see. When your sister's living in your attic, your place will be 142 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,120 spotless. 143 00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,860 I don't believe the White House has an attic. 144 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,600 I have a better chance of being president than you do. People like 145 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,440 presidents who party and blow off school. 146 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,560 Hey, you took the food. 147 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,540 And you gave Charlie the wrong gift. 148 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,600 I can't believe you're still mad about that. 149 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,460 Charlie's like a dog. He likes anything you give him. 150 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,160 Unless it's made by the tiny hands of his only son. 151 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,820 Then it's straight to the closet. 152 00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:11,680 Yesterday... My husband thought my gifts had razzmatazz. 153 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,580 Now he thinks they're just predictable. 154 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,760 Look, let's face it, Hope. 155 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,700 You're not exactly hip. I mean, come on, you thought Bling Bling was a panda. 156 00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:26,240 So you think I'm boring, too? No, I just think that you've become comfortable. 157 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,440 I mean, probably the reason Charlie was so jazzed up about that gift is because 158 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,080 coming from you, it was unexpected. 159 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,040 Oh, my God. 160 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:35,900 You're right. 161 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:38,240 I never give him anything different. 162 00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:40,380 I can't believe it. 163 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:42,560 Charlie thinks I'm boring. 164 00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:46,660 Okay, let's not get carried away. Charlie is an orthodontist in a strip 165 00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,619 mall in Ohio. 166 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,200 It's not like he's living Ocean's Eleven. 167 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,260 There's nothing I can do about it right now. I am what I am. 168 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,840 But we can fix that, Popeye. And I can help. 169 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,620 Help. If you really want Charlie to think of you as the woman that gave him 170 00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,420 that shirt, then you're going to learn to... 171 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,340 Loosen up a little bit. No, no, no, no, no. I am not taking food into the 172 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,660 bedroom again. There is nothing sexy about a naked man getting an olive pit 173 00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:13,660 cut in his throat. Okay. 174 00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:19,100 That shirt came from a wild place. A spontaneous place. A place you ought to 175 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,600 visit. A place called Faithland. 176 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,300 And don't worry about the parking, because once you're there, you're never 177 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,300 going to want to leave. 178 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:27,900 I don't know. 179 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,580 Faithland has a very bad safety record. 180 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,760 Can I just take the... Charlie to dinner at some ethnic restaurant? 181 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,160 That's kind of spicy and different. 182 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:42,320 No, no, you're not thinking outside the box. That's not wild. Robbing a bank is 183 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,320 wild. 184 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,240 Okay, maybe there's something between tandoori chicken and being shot by a 185 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,240 security guard. 186 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,940 Okay, I have another idea. 187 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,200 Oh, God, I don't know about this. Cardio striptease? 188 00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:00,140 I mean, there's so many people here. 189 00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:05,030 You're getting off easy. In the advanced class, they bring in fat bald guys to 190 00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:06,030 yell at you. 191 00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:07,310 Come on. 192 00:11:09,010 --> 00:11:10,550 Just loosen up a little bit. 193 00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:12,350 Free yourself. 194 00:11:12,450 --> 00:11:13,450 Shake that moneymaker. 195 00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:22,170 I said moneymaker, not change purse. 196 00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:23,810 Mrs. Shanowski? 197 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,350 Oh, God. 198 00:11:25,490 --> 00:11:26,930 Mrs. Shanowski! 199 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:28,550 What are you doing here? 200 00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:29,910 Oh, uh... 201 00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:33,900 Hey, have you met Miss Hagenbarth, Hayley's algebra teacher? 202 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,540 Sure, Blueberry and I are old classmates. 203 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,460 Oh, we never set a time for Hayley's parent-teacher conference next Tuesday. 204 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,560 Um, seven, I guess. 205 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,860 Wonderful. And I'd like to discuss your becoming a woo mom. 206 00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:57,440 Because, well, you know, Sally Green, she's sweet, but glug, glug, glug. 207 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,180 Oh, that does not leave this room. 208 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:01,660 Oh, don't worry. 209 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,520 Nothing will ever leave this room. 210 00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,540 Give me some love, Beeberry. 211 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:10,000 All right, ladies. A little less and a little more. 212 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,400 Okay. 213 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,440 Come on. You heard her. Get up here and shake it like Charlie Sheen just showed 214 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,760 up with a fistful of 20s. 215 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:19,460 Okay. 216 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:20,980 Here it goes. 217 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,980 I'm noticing some real relaxing up the hips. Nice! 218 00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:32,880 Anyone have a five spot? 219 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,400 You will soon. 220 00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:42,660 Come on, Hope. Free your mind, and your ass will follow. 221 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,820 I can't. It's too public. 222 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,780 I feel like everyone's looking at me. 223 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,920 No, no. It's not so much that they're looking. 224 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:50,720 It's that they can't look away. 225 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,320 Okay. 226 00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:15,650 Took me a while to find a load-bearing stud, but this baby's not going 227 00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,770 anywhere. Are you crazy? 228 00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:20,510 I can't have a stripper pole in my bedroom. 229 00:13:20,770 --> 00:13:22,290 I'm the Girl Scout cookie coordinator. 230 00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:25,150 Where'd you get this, anyway? 231 00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:29,030 Let's just say the Glen Falls Tetherball team won't be hosting any home games 232 00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:30,030 this season. 233 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,470 Forget it. I cannot do this. You saw me in the dance studio. 234 00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:35,790 I'm a disaster. 235 00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,470 That's because it was in public. 236 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,010 But here we are. 237 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:45,280 in the privacy of your very own blandly decorated bedroom, where you're free to 238 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,840 release the wild child within. 239 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,460 Okay, look, obviously, I don't have a wild child. 240 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:51,740 Yes, you do, Hope. 241 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,280 I've seen it. 242 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,660 Spring break, Daytona 89. 243 00:13:57,140 --> 00:14:00,160 Who was the Sunset Motor Inn's topless chicken fight champion? 244 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,880 You pulled my bikini off. And here I am helping you again, champ. 245 00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:08,530 Did you just unhook my bra? 246 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:10,450 Yes, ma'am. 247 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:16,530 You know, Charlie probably would get a kick out of me doing this. 248 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:19,310 Of course he would. He's a man, sort of. 249 00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:25,670 And I would feel more comfortable, you know, doing it here in the privacy of my 250 00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:26,670 own bedroom. 251 00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:30,030 Did you throw this into the floor? 252 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,610 Trust me, when you're doing the flying split eagle, those quarter-inch bolts 253 00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:35,610 will be your best friend. 254 00:14:37,450 --> 00:14:38,450 All right. 255 00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:41,090 I'll give it a whirl. If not now, when, right? 256 00:14:41,370 --> 00:14:42,209 Atta girl. 257 00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:46,230 Oh, but for the future, I'd avoid eating under the chandelier in the dining room. 258 00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:47,570 Just for a little while. 259 00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,270 Hope! Oh, hurry up. 260 00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:54,470 Go into the bathroom. Change into something sexy. I'll set the mood. 261 00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:56,830 Hope! You upstairs? 262 00:14:58,370 --> 00:14:59,370 Perfect. 263 00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:01,510 I'm up here. 264 00:15:02,850 --> 00:15:05,030 Honey, you won't believe who we... 265 00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:13,140 Hey, Jasmine. 266 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,280 Jasmine! 267 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,540 None of this would have happened if you'd just done what I asked and picked 268 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:29,720 up the gift I got for Charlie. You just can't handle the fact that I picked out 269 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,580 a better gift for him than you ever have. 270 00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:34,560 Next year, I'm thinking maybe one of those gaucho hats. 271 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,760 You know what? 272 00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:40,060 I never should have pulled you from that koi pond when we were little. 273 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,140 Uh, if anyone's interested, your husband's gonna be okay. 274 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,160 Yeah, great. Just try to keep the blood off his shirt. It's his favorite. 275 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,600 I'm doing the best I can. He busted up his nose pretty good, and he might have 276 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,400 a mild concussion. Okay, whatever. Just let us know if you need us to man the 277 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,380 paddles. I've seen every episode of ER, pre- and post-Ming-Na. 278 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,800 Yeah, we generally don't use the paddles for nose injuries. 279 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:05,640 Cardio striptease. 280 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,260 What an asinine idea. 281 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:10,940 Actually, it's an outstanding way to stay fit. You wouldn't guess it to look 282 00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:13,160 at me, but I used to be... pudgy. 283 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,380 I know an invitation when I hear one. 284 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,540 And I'm gonna RSVP yes. 285 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:21,940 My ex-boyfriend liked it, too. 286 00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:23,220 So you're single? 287 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,000 God's sake! 288 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:26,020 He's not interested! 289 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,500 Hope! You're interrupting the mating dance. 290 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,320 No, whoa, whoa, wait. 291 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:31,699 Oh, yeah. 292 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,800 Your ex-boyfriend. 293 00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:34,420 What was he like? 294 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:45,140 You know, as long as we're already here and the damage is done, he might want to 295 00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:48,520 take out this area above the nostril and just push up the tip a little. 296 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,160 I am not giving Charlie a nose job. 297 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,260 All right, fine. How about some pec implants? 298 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,660 It'll be a hoot when he wakes up. 299 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,460 Can we at least stick his hand in warm water? 300 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:03,660 Oh, what happened? 301 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,200 Oh, honey. 302 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,260 There's been an alien invasion. We were the only three survivors. 303 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,310 Oh, man. 304 00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,569 There's blood on it. 305 00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:15,970 Charlie, listen. 306 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,910 I need to talk to you about the shirt. 307 00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:21,589 Do you mind? 308 00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:23,109 Oh, fine. 309 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,550 I'm going to walk around, see if I can find a pair of saline boobs lying 310 00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:27,550 around. 311 00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,710 This is not the present I bought for you. 312 00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,310 Faith picked it up on a whim. 313 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,510 Let me just smash my face in with a bath. 314 00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:44,110 That's not what happened. You just ran into a stripper's pole in our bedroom. 315 00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:47,230 Oh, okay. Then I guess I'm up to speed. 316 00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:53,750 See, when you went crazy for a shirt that I never would have bought you, it 317 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:58,190 made me think that, well, I had become too predictable. 318 00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:03,010 So I decided to try out cardio strip tees. 319 00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,790 Make me seem more exciting to you. 320 00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:07,990 Strip tees? 321 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,550 It was Faith's idea. I know. It was stupid. 322 00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:17,230 Well, first off, the idea of you swinging around on a pole naked is not 323 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,970 something we should just dismiss cavalierly. 324 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:25,190 But I like that you're predictable. 325 00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:27,890 You're just saying that. No, really. 326 00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:33,050 I love knowing that when I come home Tuesday, it's going to be taco night. 327 00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:36,870 Not October 1st, no matter what. 328 00:18:37,470 --> 00:18:40,770 You're going to change over to your fall wardrobe, and you're going to make me 329 00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:43,890 that same football birthday cake every year. 330 00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:48,490 Even though you never line up the players in any logical formation. 331 00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:55,650 If you didn't do that stuff, I'd miss it. 332 00:18:57,950 --> 00:18:58,950 Charlie. 333 00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:06,230 So this whole striptease thing? 334 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,780 Did you, uh... Did you learn any moves? 335 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,300 I may have picked up a shimmy and a shake. 336 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,520 Oh, yeah? 337 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,600 Yeah, you talk the talk, but you... 338 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,600 Excuse me. 339 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,560 If you don't mind, I just as soon leave tomorrow. 340 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:22,420 See how cross-eyed you are? Because you're so confused as to why you can't 341 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,420 sink that butt. 342 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,400 Yes. 343 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:32,270 And what about the caption? I can straighten teeth, so why can't I 344 00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:33,610 straighten my puss? 345 00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:36,790 I get it. 346 00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,930 Oh, it's funny stuff. 347 00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:43,090 Really? 348 00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:45,250 You like it? Oh, yeah. 349 00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:48,190 It's a corker. 350 00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:49,850 Perfect gift. 351 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,250 As always. 352 00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:52,610 Thank you. 353 00:20:52,910 --> 00:20:56,050 So, where do you think it should go? 354 00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:58,470 Oh. 355 00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:05,650 Well, uh... Hard to say, you know? I mean, you... You give me so many 356 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:11,330 wonderful, funny, funny things, it's... Oh, for crying out loud. 357 00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,150 I'll save you the trouble.